They say if u dont'

They say if you don’t go through pain, you won’t know the proper meaning of life. To some extent it sounds true but if you go through excess pain then what you end up with are deep gray shades…meaning of life in all its negativity. A good result demands a balanced proportion. So, if you’ll go through pain and only pain then you will start to hate your life. Your way of thinking and your perception will be full of negativity. Nothing can be figured out in the proper manner and everything seems to fade away. You begin to loathe your life so much that its very worth disappears leaving you with strong urges to simply end it. But you know that what you got to do is live on…live on a life you loathe. And that’s when another serving of frustration settles in. Still you live on and on and on…a living corpse, you live on.
I have had many happy moments but the pain in my life heavily exceeds all those moments of joy. I have lost…so much. Life has played bitter games with me…and it continues to do so. Life took the worst of turns and with that, snatched away all happiness and has left me with a lifetime of pain and loneliness. Life has given me a scar so deep that I shall never heal. Till the day I die, that scar shall remain in my heart…searing and gaping.
I have always tried to stand bold against those problems. In doing so, I’ve realized that when they said ‘nothing is impossible’, they didn’t really mean it… for in life, at times, if you try to do one thing then the exact opposite is what ends up happening. In my life, the things I wished for and worked for with all my heart never did become mine. It seems like what I’ve dreamt and hoped for is coming to me but then something unexpected always happens and right before me, my dreams all vaporize into mists of shattered hopes.
Life is playing tough games with me and I don’t know till when this will continue. Lost, scarred, I am left with a deadened wonder - will life ever lead me to a moment where for once, I can be happy…?