Most of the time i feel down and low
feels like i'm wasting my life over here
i dont' belong in this earth
i wanna fly high to the heaven
missin someone every day and night
with eye full of tears and pain in the heart
still nothing the differences
as one has gone alone forever so faraway
find her most of the time in my dreams
smiling at me and loving me soo much
when i wake up she again disappears
so i wanna sleep forever
i wanna go to her very soon
and surrender myself in her arms
coz' I never got hers enough of love
wish i could die to get a last hug from her
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
WHEN DARKNESS FALLS
it makes me sad when i see you (in this condition)
the phases and the pain you are goin' thru
when i see you sad even i dont' feel good
i'm tehre to help you doing everything i could
its time to start a new life so just move on and on
stop blaming yourself and focus on the things to be done
dont' let youself down thinkin' what other's mite have felt
life is meant to enjoy rather than making it like a hell
look around and you'll find people praying for you
just try to smile for them,then you'll know
the proper meaning of life and the definition of happiness
and you'll feel that you're the one who's blessed (with the greatest gift ever i.e "LIFE")
the phases and the pain you are goin' thru
when i see you sad even i dont' feel good
i'm tehre to help you doing everything i could
its time to start a new life so just move on and on
stop blaming yourself and focus on the things to be done
dont' let youself down thinkin' what other's mite have felt
life is meant to enjoy rather than making it like a hell
look around and you'll find people praying for you
just try to smile for them,then you'll know
the proper meaning of life and the definition of happiness
and you'll feel that you're the one who's blessed (with the greatest gift ever i.e "LIFE")
Saturday, July 7, 2007
FRENS FOREVER
The more you want to know and the deeper you'll go without a chance of finding proper and satisfactory answer, is what I think "life" is. Sometimes it makes you feel so low while sometimes it makes you ever so proud. In this life, the game of gain and loss cycles on. I am beginning to understand now why they call life a mystery. It is so true that life is uncertain, for things emerge such unexpectedly. And sometimes get stranded on the road, waiting for what was sure to come, yet vanished somewhere in the fading time. It was the same old boredom written all over my life when I got to talk to a girl via my sister. In fact it started with a joke when I talked to her (Shreya) pretending to be my dad. And there, she fell for it. The days went by and I happened to see the her in my sister's hi5 (site) list. I was glad to see the victim of my pranks. Then the very day I sent her a message through hi5 and to my surprise her response was a real warm one. From that, I got her mailing address and started mailing her. The way she used to reply made my days. Her mails encouraged me, gave me hope and zeal to see another day. Gradually, we started to talk on the phone and I used to enjoy those moments to the fullest. To be honest, I used to wait for her call for her words were so encouraging, helping me to get out of the pain and trouble I was going through. I truly appreciated her each and every word. And I used to think, there existed someone like her as well on this earth, who cared and helped the one she hadn't even met.Me who was bullied and was blamed by many close ones, was accepted as a friend in such a short period of time. I could see her true and unselfish love for me as a very good friend. She was the one who laughed and even cried with me. We shared and cared and above all trusted each other. I got such a friend when I was going through the worst of the phases and in such an incredible way. I could easily trust her and blindly shared everything that was making my heart so heavy. At that time I realized, you don’t just lose but sometimes also receive the necessities in the journey of life.
One day we fixed a venue to meet and we enjoyed the day to the fullest. Though we had talked on the phone several times, that day was the first time we met. Even then, there was none of the awkwardness or odd feelings between us. That was such a nice day. After that, to talk to her was in my daily routine and the time I enjoyed the most in the day. We began meeting frequently and her name was added to my true friend's list in very small interval of time.
My life where I was drowning in negativity and frustration, took a turn into a sparkle of joy just due to that friend of mine (the same gal who had become victim of my pranks few months ago). Now I'm so close to her that I fear how if I shall ever be able to depart from her. Will I be able to spend my days without talking to her? Few days back, it was my birthday. I was missing my sis so much that day. And I didn't have any programs to celebrate due to my boring exams. As I finished my exams, I thought to give her a call and we decided to meet at Basantapur (my favorite hangout). That day she bought me some pastries and some food and we ate together. It felt like a kind of a small celebration. I could read her eyes; she wanted me to be happy that's why she was there in a single call. She wanted me not to be sad and she was trying her best to bring me out of that pain and tried to give me some smiles. Though we celebrated that day, I promised to give my birthday treat after two days.
And it was today we met. As usual we decided to meet in Newroad and I was so excited to meet her and her friend wearing my torn jeans (the jeans that my sweet sister had sent me) as I had promised to wear them only on that day. As always, I arrived late and made them wait for 25 minutes in the rain. I was so happy to see Shreya and Abhusani (Shreya's best friend and now mine as well). Though I was late, they had smiles on their faces on seeing me. We headed towards the restaurant and I started to show my nonsense behavior with them laughing to the fullest. We had our lunch and it was time to open the gift. To my surprise, in there was such a sweet card, which they had made with such a great effort and love. Come on, I was so astounded to see all of them. At that very moment, I was so proud to have such friends. I felt there was still someone who loved me and took me for a good friend. All those people who hurt me faded away and I just kept watching the two of my friends who were with me right then. There were no words in me to thank them. Their words in that card, each of them, was so strong that it went deep and gave me joy from the within. They have proved to be the best. They just accepted a guy as a friend who was in such confusion and was so depressed. They reminded me how to smile and how to make others laugh.They just helped me to be the same Bibhor I used to be. It was like I was lost somewhere in the middle of the way and they came to guide and show me the way to live.
As they say, happiness doesn't last long and after every happy moment you should go thru sorrows as well. The same thing is going to happen with me. Both of them won't be here with me after few days. One is going to USA and the other to China. They gave me such happiness and now they will be taking with them all those smiles. I am wondering how I will be able to spend my days without talking to them and meeting them. In my case, every time there comes very tough way and hard blows from the life. And I keep on thinking; why life is playing such a game with me and why always with me?? Why should we meet if we have to depart??? I'm realizing that happiness isn’t meant to last for a long period and I truly agree in that saying "Happiness is the gap between two sorrows". They came in my life suddenly and filled the gap and made it beautiful and they'll be leaving me after a few days.
Message to my greatest friends:
You people have proved to be the best. You people saved my life which was drowning in hell. All of a sudden, due to you guys, my life again started to bloom with happiness and smiles. Credit goes to both of you; my sweetest and greatest friends. You are the ones who helped me to become happy again and returned my smiles. You guys encouraged me and helped me to be strong in each and every moment.I don't know if I’ll be able to continue the same in your absence. Hope you people will be like this forever and I don’t think the distance could affect our love and affection. I love you guys and I swear that I can do anything for you. For you guys, there is very big space in my small heart. Don't you ever hesitate to take my help or to remember whenever you need me. You rocked my life buddies and guess I won’t be able to do all those to you that you people did to me. I unexpectedly met you people and see how soon I'm going to lose you (the biggest irony of life). I won’t stop myself from crying on that sad day when you'll leave me. Just try to preserve our friendship and I'll try my best to make this bond stronger. You people are greater than the words can ever express. Finally, I would like to say that you people will be attached to my heart forever and always. Sorry I couldn't give you anything in the return except a big thank you. Thanks for being there and for standing so tall.
One day we fixed a venue to meet and we enjoyed the day to the fullest. Though we had talked on the phone several times, that day was the first time we met. Even then, there was none of the awkwardness or odd feelings between us. That was such a nice day. After that, to talk to her was in my daily routine and the time I enjoyed the most in the day. We began meeting frequently and her name was added to my true friend's list in very small interval of time.
My life where I was drowning in negativity and frustration, took a turn into a sparkle of joy just due to that friend of mine (the same gal who had become victim of my pranks few months ago). Now I'm so close to her that I fear how if I shall ever be able to depart from her. Will I be able to spend my days without talking to her? Few days back, it was my birthday. I was missing my sis so much that day. And I didn't have any programs to celebrate due to my boring exams. As I finished my exams, I thought to give her a call and we decided to meet at Basantapur (my favorite hangout). That day she bought me some pastries and some food and we ate together. It felt like a kind of a small celebration. I could read her eyes; she wanted me to be happy that's why she was there in a single call. She wanted me not to be sad and she was trying her best to bring me out of that pain and tried to give me some smiles. Though we celebrated that day, I promised to give my birthday treat after two days.
And it was today we met. As usual we decided to meet in Newroad and I was so excited to meet her and her friend wearing my torn jeans (the jeans that my sweet sister had sent me) as I had promised to wear them only on that day. As always, I arrived late and made them wait for 25 minutes in the rain. I was so happy to see Shreya and Abhusani (Shreya's best friend and now mine as well). Though I was late, they had smiles on their faces on seeing me. We headed towards the restaurant and I started to show my nonsense behavior with them laughing to the fullest. We had our lunch and it was time to open the gift. To my surprise, in there was such a sweet card, which they had made with such a great effort and love. Come on, I was so astounded to see all of them. At that very moment, I was so proud to have such friends. I felt there was still someone who loved me and took me for a good friend. All those people who hurt me faded away and I just kept watching the two of my friends who were with me right then. There were no words in me to thank them. Their words in that card, each of them, was so strong that it went deep and gave me joy from the within. They have proved to be the best. They just accepted a guy as a friend who was in such confusion and was so depressed. They reminded me how to smile and how to make others laugh.They just helped me to be the same Bibhor I used to be. It was like I was lost somewhere in the middle of the way and they came to guide and show me the way to live.
As they say, happiness doesn't last long and after every happy moment you should go thru sorrows as well. The same thing is going to happen with me. Both of them won't be here with me after few days. One is going to USA and the other to China. They gave me such happiness and now they will be taking with them all those smiles. I am wondering how I will be able to spend my days without talking to them and meeting them. In my case, every time there comes very tough way and hard blows from the life. And I keep on thinking; why life is playing such a game with me and why always with me?? Why should we meet if we have to depart??? I'm realizing that happiness isn’t meant to last for a long period and I truly agree in that saying "Happiness is the gap between two sorrows". They came in my life suddenly and filled the gap and made it beautiful and they'll be leaving me after a few days.
Message to my greatest friends:
You people have proved to be the best. You people saved my life which was drowning in hell. All of a sudden, due to you guys, my life again started to bloom with happiness and smiles. Credit goes to both of you; my sweetest and greatest friends. You are the ones who helped me to become happy again and returned my smiles. You guys encouraged me and helped me to be strong in each and every moment.I don't know if I’ll be able to continue the same in your absence. Hope you people will be like this forever and I don’t think the distance could affect our love and affection. I love you guys and I swear that I can do anything for you. For you guys, there is very big space in my small heart. Don't you ever hesitate to take my help or to remember whenever you need me. You rocked my life buddies and guess I won’t be able to do all those to you that you people did to me. I unexpectedly met you people and see how soon I'm going to lose you (the biggest irony of life). I won’t stop myself from crying on that sad day when you'll leave me. Just try to preserve our friendship and I'll try my best to make this bond stronger. You people are greater than the words can ever express. Finally, I would like to say that you people will be attached to my heart forever and always. Sorry I couldn't give you anything in the return except a big thank you. Thanks for being there and for standing so tall.
ANGUISHED
everywhere there is felicity and celebration
but me just sitting within the four walls
with a wounded heart accompanied by the solitude
recalling the past memories;which is deadly than the disaster
noone to be with and tears be the best frens
crying alone and the scream being supressed within the walls
life again adding much more pain in it
by giving hard blows and twisted ways to follow
still adapting the hard situation
living with a hope, for life to be as before
that is full of happiness and smiles
but in vain, as my reason to smile has already left forever
forgetting all the promises she made
with a decision to never come back again
just letting me burn in the huge flame forever
with a big scar in my heart till the day i die
but me just sitting within the four walls
with a wounded heart accompanied by the solitude
recalling the past memories;which is deadly than the disaster
noone to be with and tears be the best frens
crying alone and the scream being supressed within the walls
life again adding much more pain in it
by giving hard blows and twisted ways to follow
still adapting the hard situation
living with a hope, for life to be as before
that is full of happiness and smiles
but in vain, as my reason to smile has already left forever
forgetting all the promises she made
with a decision to never come back again
just letting me burn in the huge flame forever
with a big scar in my heart till the day i die
Friday, July 6, 2007
BROKEN
livin' with the agony as covered with gloom
dark is everything and hard to gait
hard to trust and deem others
just suffocating within these walls
not even a sign of happiness
big hole in the heart
driven by thoughts and memories
wet eyes everyday and night
tryin to embrace the situation bravely
failure and pain, the result is
broken in many situation and hard to be back in normal
and then cherishin' the moment spent together
life, just driftin' with the time
pretendin' to be happy ,hidin' the pain
hard to persist and explodes with tears
nothing the differences, as one has gone to never comeback
dark is everything and hard to gait
hard to trust and deem others
just suffocating within these walls
not even a sign of happiness
big hole in the heart
driven by thoughts and memories
wet eyes everyday and night
tryin to embrace the situation bravely
failure and pain, the result is
broken in many situation and hard to be back in normal
and then cherishin' the moment spent together
life, just driftin' with the time
pretendin' to be happy ,hidin' the pain
hard to persist and explodes with tears
nothing the differences, as one has gone to never comeback
Thursday, July 5, 2007
HATRED
used to have dreams to soar
but today i'm lyin' helplessly on the floor
life didn't ever open its door
don’t wanna live this life anymore
couldn’t stand the rays and lights
coz' i'm in love with this dark
walkin' alone; noone seems to be mine
that’s the reason why i'm dyin'
livin' this burdensome life thru tears
don't have anymore power to bear(pain)
everything’s blurry, nothing seems clear
wonder till when my heart shall sear
God has been deaf forever in my turn
none He gave; snatched all, left me to burn
if God could ever hear me and my prayers
I’d want him to take me far far away(from earth-here)
but today i'm lyin' helplessly on the floor
life didn't ever open its door
don’t wanna live this life anymore
couldn’t stand the rays and lights
coz' i'm in love with this dark
walkin' alone; noone seems to be mine
that’s the reason why i'm dyin'
livin' this burdensome life thru tears
don't have anymore power to bear(pain)
everything’s blurry, nothing seems clear
wonder till when my heart shall sear
God has been deaf forever in my turn
none He gave; snatched all, left me to burn
if God could ever hear me and my prayers
I’d want him to take me far far away(from earth-here)
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
EMOTIONS
when i close ma eyes, ya always come on ma sight
becoz' of that i couldn't sleep throughout the night
i think i am in love with ya ma dear
i can do anything for ya i swear
i couldn't say i love ya coz' i fear
waitin' for that day when ya say the things that i wanna hear
ya are the most beautiful gal that i have ever seen
your eyes , lips,hope ya understand what i mean
the words are not sufficient for ya to adore
give the keys to open ya heart's door
nothin' ever does get into me coz i love ya so much
don't ya ever try to leave and make decisions as such
u know i love ya more than words can ever say
it's incresin' and filling my heart day by day
My love for you is an obsession that I can’t get over
Don’t decide in a hurry, this decision will affect me forever
Don’t play with ma heart please girl
Because for you I’m willing to give up the whole world.
becoz' of that i couldn't sleep throughout the night
i think i am in love with ya ma dear
i can do anything for ya i swear
i couldn't say i love ya coz' i fear
waitin' for that day when ya say the things that i wanna hear
ya are the most beautiful gal that i have ever seen
your eyes , lips,hope ya understand what i mean
the words are not sufficient for ya to adore
give the keys to open ya heart's door
nothin' ever does get into me coz i love ya so much
don't ya ever try to leave and make decisions as such
u know i love ya more than words can ever say
it's incresin' and filling my heart day by day
My love for you is an obsession that I can’t get over
Don’t decide in a hurry, this decision will affect me forever
Don’t play with ma heart please girl
Because for you I’m willing to give up the whole world.
I HATE YOU
I was hurting so badly and you were my need
instead of holding me, you stabbed my heart and made it bleed
I should have realized that much before
but now my heart is wounded, it's tore
I loved you so much and spent many moments together
I was expecting this relationship to go more further
you didn't even object when I held you in my arms
now, you are running from me as if I'll harm (you)
you showed such a fucking behavior and then stopped talking to me
you must be waiting for me to bend my knees(in front of you)
you played with my pure love as if it were an act in a drama
thanks a lot for hurting and giving me a whole lot of trauma
I wanna thank you for giving such painful and bitter moments
for this, I don't have anything for you as a compliment
now I don't wanna see your face as I hate everything about you
now I'm wondering why I ever loved and trusted you
you are a great player of love games and breaking hearts
ya should be awarded coz' it seems you've mastered the art
I was such an idiot, a dumbass, who couldn't figure out a thing
I was loving that gal blindly, who was there after me to sting
instead of holding me, you stabbed my heart and made it bleed
I should have realized that much before
but now my heart is wounded, it's tore
I loved you so much and spent many moments together
I was expecting this relationship to go more further
you didn't even object when I held you in my arms
now, you are running from me as if I'll harm (you)
you showed such a fucking behavior and then stopped talking to me
you must be waiting for me to bend my knees(in front of you)
you played with my pure love as if it were an act in a drama
thanks a lot for hurting and giving me a whole lot of trauma
I wanna thank you for giving such painful and bitter moments
for this, I don't have anything for you as a compliment
now I don't wanna see your face as I hate everything about you
now I'm wondering why I ever loved and trusted you
you are a great player of love games and breaking hearts
ya should be awarded coz' it seems you've mastered the art
I was such an idiot, a dumbass, who couldn't figure out a thing
I was loving that gal blindly, who was there after me to sting
They say if u dont'
They say if you don’t go through pain, you won’t know the proper meaning of life. To some extent it sounds true but if you go through excess pain then what you end up with are deep gray shades…meaning of life in all its negativity. A good result demands a balanced proportion. So, if you’ll go through pain and only pain then you will start to hate your life. Your way of thinking and your perception will be full of negativity. Nothing can be figured out in the proper manner and everything seems to fade away. You begin to loathe your life so much that its very worth disappears leaving you with strong urges to simply end it. But you know that what you got to do is live on…live on a life you loathe. And that’s when another serving of frustration settles in. Still you live on and on and on…a living corpse, you live on.
I have had many happy moments but the pain in my life heavily exceeds all those moments of joy. I have lost…so much. Life has played bitter games with me…and it continues to do so. Life took the worst of turns and with that, snatched away all happiness and has left me with a lifetime of pain and loneliness. Life has given me a scar so deep that I shall never heal. Till the day I die, that scar shall remain in my heart…searing and gaping.
I have always tried to stand bold against those problems. In doing so, I’ve realized that when they said ‘nothing is impossible’, they didn’t really mean it… for in life, at times, if you try to do one thing then the exact opposite is what ends up happening. In my life, the things I wished for and worked for with all my heart never did become mine. It seems like what I’ve dreamt and hoped for is coming to me but then something unexpected always happens and right before me, my dreams all vaporize into mists of shattered hopes.
Life is playing tough games with me and I don’t know till when this will continue. Lost, scarred, I am left with a deadened wonder - will life ever lead me to a moment where for once, I can be happy…?
I have had many happy moments but the pain in my life heavily exceeds all those moments of joy. I have lost…so much. Life has played bitter games with me…and it continues to do so. Life took the worst of turns and with that, snatched away all happiness and has left me with a lifetime of pain and loneliness. Life has given me a scar so deep that I shall never heal. Till the day I die, that scar shall remain in my heart…searing and gaping.
I have always tried to stand bold against those problems. In doing so, I’ve realized that when they said ‘nothing is impossible’, they didn’t really mean it… for in life, at times, if you try to do one thing then the exact opposite is what ends up happening. In my life, the things I wished for and worked for with all my heart never did become mine. It seems like what I’ve dreamt and hoped for is coming to me but then something unexpected always happens and right before me, my dreams all vaporize into mists of shattered hopes.
Life is playing tough games with me and I don’t know till when this will continue. Lost, scarred, I am left with a deadened wonder - will life ever lead me to a moment where for once, I can be happy…?
Hello World
If there is a thing that appeals me it's word.
Word and word and word........................... Humans are advanced because they can speak and write and read. Word is the mystery behind their success.
Blogging is in vogue these days. So why not to experiment with it? I will be writing regulary; if I cannot, I will be posting my darn old write-ups at least.
Now begins my voyage of blog.
Wish me best of luck.
Word and word and word........................... Humans are advanced because they can speak and write and read. Word is the mystery behind their success.
Blogging is in vogue these days. So why not to experiment with it? I will be writing regulary; if I cannot, I will be posting my darn old write-ups at least.
Now begins my voyage of blog.
Wish me best of luck.
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