WORD

OH LIFE...it's so big and we get to go thru whole lotta people.Even i got along with lotta people and was in relationship with them.Some called me brother while other called me a good fren.Days passed by and it has already been 21 years that i've been confronting with people. AS a matter of fact, still i couldnt' figure out;" Who the hell are PEOPLE and their WORDS?".
In this journey, i get to see whole lotta people with love and care as well as those people who happened to be envy of me. I aint' so suprised as this world is the mixture of different kind of people with different kinda attitude. Different people passed out the comments and lotta sweet words. The same words, they were so confusing. People did say them to me but i always thought if they mean them words or they were spitting out just like that.
As for me, i do respect the words. I dont' just say the words or say i wont' make the words so cheap. When some words come out of me, i mean it from my heart. What i believe is that word is so powerful and works a lot. But we shouldn't ever forget that the words always have two meanings. IF some mere words can establish a rocking relationship then again the same words can distort the very rocking relationship. All i wanna say is that, wheneva one says something that it should considered several times.
The other thing is that, only giving some words is only the half done. When u give some words then the other step is to fulfill them. Them words are not the true words if they are not fulfilled. If people think they are not capable to fulfill them words, better stay quiet. So, as the words come out from anyone , he/she should be sure that the words are gonna be real. Mere words will be meaningless if someone aint' capable to make it real. People should possess that capacity can turn out every of their words into something real or they better save them words for the best time when they'll be capable. The thing is that, save words instead of letting it go to waste. As we all know that, words means a lot in this world.

BIRTHDAY

When i woke up and saw outside the window, it was a gloomy morning. The hidden blue sky as covered with the cluster of clouds. No bright sun but it was a dim and cool day. The special day of mine i.e. mine "birthday". Unlike before, there were no any plans. I was just missing someone and was lost in the memories. I was happy to surf in the past memories and the other moment i even cried as my lucky star was not with me and has gone forever. Few minutes later, there was a knock at the door. As i opened it, there were my parents to wish me birthday. Again, i got a call from my sister who is there in States. It was so nice talking with her for several minutes. Though lot of calls and wishes were there for me, I could still see the big void. But nothing the differences as I couldn’t' do anything to mend that void.
With wet eyes, the very day started. After finishing the daily chores, i got a call from my friend. I was informed that we got to meet in the field for the left over work as we were making some small documentary about dalit people. As i was getting ready, i heard a bell and my friend was there to pick me up. Finally, we reached to the field with cameras and whole lot of zeal for the very work. Though it has already been two weeks we've been working in that field, still there was whole lotta courage and enthusiasm among us. We were taking some small steps for the development or upliftment of that small deprived group of people i.e DALIT. Especially, I was very happy for that work as I’ve never done any kind of social work. That work, which we were doing, was blend of fun, pain, tears and frustrations. And due to the very work, it made me realize that i have so many privileges and opportunities to do something in my life.
When i first stepped into that locality, it was like stepping in the whole new world. I felt like i've been living a royal life when i compared myself to them people. Same people, who were relying upon the plastics and few wood as their home. The same home which can be crumbled by the strong winds or furious rain. I was like totally shocked when i saw their lives. Their way of living and the diet they were having, it was so painful to see. I felt so helpless for not being able to do anything for them. All i could do was being involved in the making of that documentary in the hope that people get aware of this small group of destitute people. These people were not only cheated by their fate but they were also the victim of government apathy and the laws of the country.
First time in my life, i celebrated my birthday in such a nice way. Though there were not any specific plans, but the birthday celebration was so awesome. I bought a packet of chocolates and I disseminated them among the dalit kids. There were more than happy to get that which were being manifested in their eyes. They wished me a birthday and we sang and danced. We captured them moment in the camera as well. It was such a beautiful experience to be with the underprivileged kids with whole lotta happiness among them. And i was the reason of their happiness; my birthday, chocolates and the camera. Even the small reason brought whole lotta happiness among the kids. They were lost among themselves enjoying the moments by dancing, singing and laughing and forgetting every pain that they were going thru for some moments. At that moment, i wished for their upliftment and happiness forever in their lives. This moment shall always be treasured in my life and shall never be forgotten ever in my life.

NO WAY OUT

no way to express the pain
feelings occupying and peircing the heart, making it heavy
still tolerating the pain
living life through the dark
life full of sadness and pain

no hope to overcome the problems
adapting the situation is the only way out
since there is fear to trust anyone
coz' the dreadful colors of people has already been seen
feeling so aloof, livin' life in hell

living alone in sadness though surrounded by crowd
since there ain't sense of lovingness in anyone
as everyone is so selfish just living for their own sake
noone doesnt' ever care nor intrested to share the pain
just lettin' me burn alone

couldnt' draw anything out of this life
and it seems like burden to live
just livin' for other's sake
with a hope that endin' will come soon
and would be much happy to be free from this world

Most of the time i feel down and low
feels like i'm wasting my life over here
i dont' belong in this earth
i wanna fly high to the heaven

missin someone every day and night
with eye full of tears and pain in the heart
still nothing the differences
as one has gone alone forever so faraway

find her most of the time in my dreams
smiling at me and loving me soo much
when i wake up she again disappears
so i wanna sleep forever

i wanna go to her very soon
and surrender myself in her arms
coz' I never got hers enough of love
wish i could die to get a last hug from her

WHEN DARKNESS FALLS

it makes me sad when i see you (in this condition)
the phases and the pain you are goin' thru
when i see you sad even i dont' feel good
i'm tehre to help you doing everything i could

its time to start a new life so just move on and on
stop blaming yourself and focus on the things to be done
dont' let youself down thinkin' what other's mite have felt
life is meant to enjoy rather than making it like a hell

look around and you'll find people praying for you
just try to smile for them,then you'll know
the proper meaning of life and the definition of happiness
and you'll feel that you're the one who's blessed (with the greatest gift ever i.e "LIFE")

FRENS FOREVER

The more you want to know and the deeper you'll go without a chance of finding proper and satisfactory answer, is what I think "life" is. Sometimes it makes you feel so low while sometimes it makes you ever so proud. In this life, the game of gain and loss cycles on. I am beginning to understand now why they call life a mystery. It is so true that life is uncertain, for things emerge such unexpectedly. And sometimes get stranded on the road, waiting for what was sure to come, yet vanished somewhere in the fading time. It was the same old boredom written all over my life when I got to talk to a girl via my sister. In fact it started with a joke when I talked to her (Shreya) pretending to be my dad. And there, she fell for it. The days went by and I happened to see the her in my sister's hi5 (site) list. I was glad to see the victim of my pranks. Then the very day I sent her a message through hi5 and to my surprise her response was a real warm one. From that, I got her mailing address and started mailing her. The way she used to reply made my days. Her mails encouraged me, gave me hope and zeal to see another day. Gradually, we started to talk on the phone and I used to enjoy those moments to the fullest. To be honest, I used to wait for her call for her words were so encouraging, helping me to get out of the pain and trouble I was going through. I truly appreciated her each and every word. And I used to think, there existed someone like her as well on this earth, who cared and helped the one she hadn't even met.Me who was bullied and was blamed by many close ones, was accepted as a friend in such a short period of time. I could see her true and unselfish love for me as a very good friend. She was the one who laughed and even cried with me. We shared and cared and above all trusted each other. I got such a friend when I was going through the worst of the phases and in such an incredible way. I could easily trust her and blindly shared everything that was making my heart so heavy. At that time I realized, you don’t just lose but sometimes also receive the necessities in the journey of life.
One day we fixed a venue to meet and we enjoyed the day to the fullest. Though we had talked on the phone several times, that day was the first time we met. Even then, there was none of the awkwardness or odd feelings between us. That was such a nice day. After that, to talk to her was in my daily routine and the time I enjoyed the most in the day. We began meeting frequently and her name was added to my true friend's list in very small interval of time.
My life where I was drowning in negativity and frustration, took a turn into a sparkle of joy just due to that friend of mine (the same gal who had become victim of my pranks few months ago). Now I'm so close to her that I fear how if I shall ever be able to depart from her. Will I be able to spend my days without talking to her? Few days back, it was my birthday. I was missing my sis so much that day. And I didn't have any programs to celebrate due to my boring exams. As I finished my exams, I thought to give her a call and we decided to meet at Basantapur (my favorite hangout). That day she bought me some pastries and some food and we ate together. It felt like a kind of a small celebration. I could read her eyes; she wanted me to be happy that's why she was there in a single call. She wanted me not to be sad and she was trying her best to bring me out of that pain and tried to give me some smiles. Though we celebrated that day, I promised to give my birthday treat after two days.
And it was today we met. As usual we decided to meet in Newroad and I was so excited to meet her and her friend wearing my torn jeans (the jeans that my sweet sister had sent me) as I had promised to wear them only on that day. As always, I arrived late and made them wait for 25 minutes in the rain. I was so happy to see Shreya and Abhusani (Shreya's best friend and now mine as well). Though I was late, they had smiles on their faces on seeing me. We headed towards the restaurant and I started to show my nonsense behavior with them laughing to the fullest. We had our lunch and it was time to open the gift. To my surprise, in there was such a sweet card, which they had made with such a great effort and love. Come on, I was so astounded to see all of them. At that very moment, I was so proud to have such friends. I felt there was still someone who loved me and took me for a good friend. All those people who hurt me faded away and I just kept watching the two of my friends who were with me right then. There were no words in me to thank them. Their words in that card, each of them, was so strong that it went deep and gave me joy from the within. They have proved to be the best. They just accepted a guy as a friend who was in such confusion and was so depressed. They reminded me how to smile and how to make others laugh.They just helped me to be the same Bibhor I used to be. It was like I was lost somewhere in the middle of the way and they came to guide and show me the way to live.
As they say, happiness doesn't last long and after every happy moment you should go thru sorrows as well. The same thing is going to happen with me. Both of them won't be here with me after few days. One is going to USA and the other to China. They gave me such happiness and now they will be taking with them all those smiles. I am wondering how I will be able to spend my days without talking to them and meeting them. In my case, every time there comes very tough way and hard blows from the life. And I keep on thinking; why life is playing such a game with me and why always with me?? Why should we meet if we have to depart??? I'm realizing that happiness isn’t meant to last for a long period and I truly agree in that saying "Happiness is the gap between two sorrows". They came in my life suddenly and filled the gap and made it beautiful and they'll be leaving me after a few days.

Message to my greatest friends:
You people have proved to be the best. You people saved my life which was drowning in hell. All of a sudden, due to you guys, my life again started to bloom with happiness and smiles. Credit goes to both of you; my sweetest and greatest friends. You are the ones who helped me to become happy again and returned my smiles. You guys encouraged me and helped me to be strong in each and every moment.I don't know if I’ll be able to continue the same in your absence. Hope you people will be like this forever and I don’t think the distance could affect our love and affection. I love you guys and I swear that I can do anything for you. For you guys, there is very big space in my small heart. Don't you ever hesitate to take my help or to remember whenever you need me. You rocked my life buddies and guess I won’t be able to do all those to you that you people did to me. I unexpectedly met you people and see how soon I'm going to lose you (the biggest irony of life). I won’t stop myself from crying on that sad day when you'll leave me. Just try to preserve our friendship and I'll try my best to make this bond stronger. You people are greater than the words can ever express. Finally, I would like to say that you people will be attached to my heart forever and always. Sorry I couldn't give you anything in the return except a big thank you. Thanks for being there and for standing so tall.

ANGUISHED

everywhere there is felicity and celebration
but me just sitting within the four walls
with a wounded heart accompanied by the solitude
recalling the past memories;which is deadly than the disaster

noone to be with and tears be the best frens
crying alone and the scream being supressed within the walls
life again adding much more pain in it
by giving hard blows and twisted ways to follow

still adapting the hard situation
living with a hope, for life to be as before
that is full of happiness and smiles
but in vain, as my reason to smile has already left forever

forgetting all the promises she made
with a decision to never come back again
just letting me burn in the huge flame forever
with a big scar in my heart till the day i die