MEMORY REMAINS

The festival is back and ppl are again wandering here and there either for shopping or for the preparation of "Dashain".Lods of crowd in the market and mass of people busy in buying things and it seems the business has again flourised. Happy were all the people and the excitement were being menifested as the festival has come after long interval. It was something very good to see after several months. The environment was totally different and everyone was so happy and satisfied.
Even i decided to go for shopping as i was in need of some clothes. I called a sister of mine and we decided to meet at "kathmandu mall". As it was such a boring day, i somehow reached there and it was good to see her after several days. Now it's time to see the clothes, the most boring part and something i'm not into. Everytime i was in need of clothes, either my mom or my sister used to be there for the selection and to buy the clothes.
We started to wander in various shop but didnt' get the appropriate one which we were looking for. It reminded me of some old memories. I was missing someone who used to be always there with me and helped me in shopping . The same old market with the same old roads and the shops. Only thing that was different was the time and her presence. It was like a deja vu and i was missing her so badly. All the past memories seem to have been refreshed. Completely similar environment, same crowd but only thing missing was her. Her absense was making everything so incomplete and senseless. Though there was felicity and excitement in the crowd, nothing seemed good or enjoying for me. I was lost in my own world,recalling my beautiful past moments and bleeding from the inside for not having her by my side. My angel has gone forever, without thinking of me, never to come back. Be that the festivals or the special occasions, nothing makes sense to me and everything seems to be void. Though lotta happiness will be there, i won't be able to see and grab them happiness. As time has made me so lame and turned me out into something different than i used to be.
The same festival,for which i used to count days, doesnt' mean anything now. Infact,it adds much more pain and tears. When i see others enjoying it, i wont' get jealous but i do feel pathetic for myself. All those days to enjoy and have fun seems to have vanished forever. Life has been covered by somberness leaving the brightness and happiness way far from my reach. Though i wanna be happy, i couldnt' forget everything that happened to me. The disaster that occured in my life which made me numb and compeltely different person from rest of the world.
My lucky charm has indeed gone far away from my reach. She has really become a star which i can see far away in the sky and just feel it. I can't do anything and i really feel so helpless. In every steps of my life, i miss her like hell. Sometimes, i wish she would come back again and make everything as it used to be. If only miracle would happen and every tears would convert into the happiness and every pain into the best moment. But the wishes and dreams are never gonna fulfilled and just a way to satisfy the heart. Wherever u are, i'm missing u each and every moment and just be happy and help me out to be strong and increase my strength so that i could deal with everything that comes in my life.